sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
