do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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