Even the bartender felt bad for me
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
we should paint friendship bongs
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
try to milk me bitch
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