if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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