My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
