that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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