My liver just broke up with me...
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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