dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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