Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
