why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
