and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
