I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
