I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He did a backflip because drugs
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
