The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
