somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
