i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
