Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Randomize
