I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
