I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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