this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
