We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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