Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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