I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
