He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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