That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
