So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I think I just shit out all my problems.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
