I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
