he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize