Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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