the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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