I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize