Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
