Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
