do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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