Where did you get a picture of my penis
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
