dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
