i can't believe i had my finger in that
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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