yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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