I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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