VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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