He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize