Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
