if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
