They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
