Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
