theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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