My friends, they love my intelligence
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
she smelled like a LAN party
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
