I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
