i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
