found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It's not a walk of shame if you run
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
