Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize