did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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