If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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