That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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