therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
