You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
