Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
