Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
