Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
