the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
