The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
