I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize