Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Operation Purity has been aborted
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
