you guys were way drunker than both of me
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
