he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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