you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
