walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He better not be in your backpack
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
