It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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