nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Randomize
