I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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