i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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