You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
