i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Let's get the cat blown out
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
