I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize