are you still at the devil's house?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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