she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
we're making bets on your personal life
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He better not be in your backpack
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
