The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
